so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she woke up with a sticky ear
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
