your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
this hospital has no fireball
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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