It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
