I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
