Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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