Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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