Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
