I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
