I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
