bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
