i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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