last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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