shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
As shirtless as possible
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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