I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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