Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
