apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
