i barfeds in our rink
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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