i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im holly from the hills drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize