Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
