I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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