i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize