the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
