I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
