dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
