I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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