It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
