i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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