so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
