i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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