I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
