I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize