I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
