My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
