I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize