Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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