True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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