Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
