Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
