You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize