Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
