one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
