i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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