I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
try to milk me bitch
Randomize