I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
