Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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