Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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