I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize