I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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