Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
