Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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