so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
