Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
