Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
