Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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