i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Less talking, more tequila
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
