yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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