I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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