question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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