So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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