Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
