Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
