before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
