terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
