What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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