quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
