Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
