walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize