Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
