Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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